05 August 2006

BlogHer Rant

I'm just so frustrated right now, I'm not sure what to even do.

BlogHer was amazing and energizing but also wiped me out. I'm struggling to catch up. Stunning people I met or were inspired by who I have somehow neglected to note until now (and yes, this is still an imperfect list):

ae @ arse poetica
Liz at badgerbag (among many other sites she runs)
Susie Bright (Yes, really)
Suzanne from Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) and other rants
Shuna from Eggbeater (food is political, people, and Shuna's insight knocked me down several times over the two days)
SJ - I, Asshole
Carrie from Lone Star Democracy and NOW Texas
Sheri and Amy from mamazine
Carmen from Mixed Media Watch/Addicted to Race (New Demographic)

I made a video rant about this...and now I've decided not to post it. Here's what it basically said. I'm better in text, and I'm decidedly sick of being misunderstood in video.

I started videoblogging after a devastating period in my life. Utter devastation. Did not work. Did not eat. Cried for at least three months, almost nonstop. Moved across the country. Alone. Was alone for months. Not a pity party, just an honest statement of where I was within this past year. And then I started to get back on my feet. As a grad student in a video/new media program, which is kind of a joke, I thought, "Hey, videoblogging! That's pretty cool. I can document what I do and maybe that will help put it into perspective." Maybe, I thought, I can teach myself to edit and do something fun while I'm stuck at home, still sort of trying to deal with life. So I started up. And since then, I've made shit hit the fan and gotten really sick of this "community" of people who, well, are sometimes nice, sometimes as catty as they come.

Okay, actually, I didn't say much of this in the video, but that's not the point.

I'm exhausted right now after a really great conference, and I don't feel like I can ever catch up on work. I can't spend all day reading blogs. I have books that need examination, I need to go to the grocery, and I need to take a shower. I have to work on HollaBackBoston. And I need to not let this junk and the cyborgs behind it bring me down (relax, I'm a cyborg too - we all are). So I think I may be off the map for a while. Who cares if I post my life on the Internet? If I'm going to be attacked, I'm not really interested. I've grown so much this year it's indescribable, and I'm not going to defend a difficult process that's brought me to this moment. I can never blog about everything that upsets me. I can never redirect people to enough articles. I can't even finish my own half of the time. So I will go write. And take walks. And not be here. It's my space - I created it - and I don't even feel welcome half the time. So until I have the energy to reclaim what is mine, I'll be elsewhere.

17 Comments:

Blogger Mary Beth said...

Keep on keepin on. Do what you gotta do. Love you!

3:36 PM  
Anonymous SJ said...

Thanks for the shout-out. I'm really glad that I'm not the only one who's been tired for days--and I didn't even change timezones.

Your blog looks cool. I can't wait to dive in.

5:30 PM  
Anonymous laurie said...

Who attacked you? I'll beat them down. (Not that you can't handle it on your own - not the point, right?) I'm going to email you soon. I've been a waste since I got back. It's ridiculous. Talk to you soon - safe space to vent, in this direction, please remember.

9:46 PM  
Blogger Phil Chapter said...

Dear Brittany,

I don’t want to believe, that something really could upset you. I do look at your sites and I’m totally surprised, that your thoughts, views or video contributions to getting better world are being made so sincerely, just for the justice case, frankly and not selfish or self conceited way, as the most of “Bloggers” are doing.
I’m sure, you’ll get on with it, since you are strong with your capability to act, powerful with your knowledge, great to expose yourself all disclosed, showing your inner world. To do all these, needs to be powerful. You have it.
Internet or commonly the world isn’t always the same fair place of yours. Nasty ones are using nasty methods, and then openness is punished, but I don’t think, that they will gain the mastery and cause disappointment.
You are strong representing and being the better world.
Keep on doing.

Phil Chapter

3:49 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

Be who u need to be.
Offline or on.

10:58 AM  
Blogger !Keith.com said...

Hi there! I come from Hong Kong and get to know your blog from the Blogger homepage. It looks really nice and attractive to me. Good job! I wonder if you would like to submit your blog to my directory called Blog Announce, I find it very suitable. Good luck with your blog and look forward to your next post in the near near future!

I see you could earn great money from your blog with Google, know more here.

Cheers,

Keith

11:01 AM  
Anonymous tekanji said...

*hugs* I, for one, will miss you. I think your work is great and you're really cool.

Internet communities can suck really bad sometimes. If you need to get away, then go for it. But after you've reacharged your batteries, I do hope you'll consider coming back to vlogging/blogging. :)

7:03 PM  
Anonymous Luke said...

I know its already been said, but gotta do what you gotta do. much support.

7:59 PM  
Anonymous Carmen Van Kerckhove said...

Hang in there! :) It was so great meeting you, and after checking out what you're doing with videoblogging, I'm totally inspired to start myself!

Oh and that Blog Announce thing from keith.com sounds totally rad. I'm sure you'd make SO much money from Google. ;)

6:15 PM  
Anonymous ritchey said...

I am a newcomer to your blog and I really love it, and love finding pockets of solidarity on this old intraweb. I have definitely felt beleagured (which I still can't spell) on the internet (and in life) before, and I have definitely longed for an internet hiatus. Do what you need to do, and don't feel guilty for neglecting your blog. It will be here whenever you feel like coming to it, and it will always be awesome.

10:03 PM  
Anonymous badgerbag said...

What they said! Take a break! & yeah I'm also experiencing a weird pressure and... just weirdness. And blogging. And forwards of things that people might have blogged about someone who might have been me. And pressure. That's weird. Also a certain loss of whatever coherence I once had. *eyes roll back up into head like a zombie*

I still haven't written up even half of Blogher or even the little cards I collected and people I met.

12:04 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

p.s. It's a good time to read this classic essay and then go make some cookies or talk to a plant or something.

12:07 AM  
Blogger Marj aka Thriver said...

I'm so glad you got to go to BlogHer. I hope to make it there some year. Do what you need to do. Best wishes with whatever that turns out to be.

3:21 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

BlogHer was overwhelming, life is like that at times. In the end I am glad I attended -- wish I could have met you in person!

I am still hiding out in California...blogging on the road. Looking forward to moving back here (but not the move part) in the fall.

Thanks so much for adding Purple Women to your blogroll. I put you in our sidebar under PW Online. Be well my new bloggy friend. Take all the walks and time you need.

9:41 PM  
Anonymous chemist said...

I just found your site a few days ago and really love it, I love finding other women who think similarly to me b/c that doesn't happen that often... it makes me a little sad to hear that you may be gone for an indefinite amount of time, but I understand and respect that. ppl can be really judgemental, rude, ignorant, etc... so do what you gotta do lady!! just wanted to express my support for what you do!

10:28 PM  
Blogger Serra said...

hmm... sounds vaguely familiar. remember interviewing me about why i may not vlog anymore at vloggercon? yeah... maybe not the same reasons but im with you. although i do kind of want to do a vlog about the mail i got today, one from my credit card company regretfully informing me that they could not raise my credit limit and the other congratulating me wholeheartedly on the 5K limit increase i got.. wtf? hmm...
ok now i'm "vlogging" without video in your comment section. this is ridiculous. im gonna go now...

9:40 AM  
Anonymous tin314 said...

Don't be too hard on yourself. Do what you want to do. Don't let anybody get you down. We have to be a fighter in this life we're living. Hesitation make you lose battles!

10:28 PM  

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